{ The Comp Blog }

Thanks for all the encouragement, again. Sorry to be such drag. I wish I could say that I don't sweat it, because I know I shouldn't sweat it, and I know that I shouldn't put this much psychic energy into a first-year class made up of 18 students with a variety of interests, desires, and backgrounds. But I do. And increasingly I have to admit to myself that I do this with almost every class. Teaching is a chore for me. I go in happy and with energy (I think), I give it my best college try, and when my energy and excitement is just absorbed and muted, I feel drained and cheated.

I feel pretty lucky to be teaching with both of you because I think I will learn how to be more fun and personable in class, but it seems like a persona that I can't quite pull off. I think research, reading, and writing is a pretty orgasmic experience, but . . . I probably shouldn't pursue this metaphor.

I react. I take in everything in my surroundings. I internalize. I can't ignore anything. I focus on the negative too much, and ignore the positive. I let it eat me up, while appearing calm and cool on the surface. My insides are speaking here. I leave my calm and cool behind when I write. I need to write more.

Weblogging is not about self-expression, it is about group therapy.